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  • Writer's pictureKristin Helgerson Frigelj

"How to be a better mom"

A Story of YouTube Searches...


Guys, I think, no, I know that I’m a great mom.


It’s one of the positions in life that I’ve never really questioned. There have of course been low points of the typical mom-struggle variety. But even when work was hard, life hit harder, and the kids were difficult I never doubted whether I was an overall good mom.


Cue my eight-year-old taking on this challenge.


“Mom, there’s something I want to look up on YouTube. Can I type it in?”


Hands phone over.


Gets phone back.


Reads in search bar: “How to be a better mom

Whew.


Now if he had been in a silly mood or passed the phone back while giggling this would most likely have gone differently.


Instead he was grumpy and mad at me for initiating a Saturday evening regular bed time. I could tell he wanted to hit me where it hurt.


Can I ask you, what would you have done?

I paused. (The smartest response. Ever. In any situation.)


I considered if laughing it off was the right answer here or not.


It felt heavier than that so after my pause and deep breath (pretty sure silence actually feels scary to kids here) I shared with him that he had been hurtful. I said that I put a lot of effort into being a mom and that I’d always be there for him no matter what he did but that I still had feelings that could be hurt.


He responded with more silence. Then came a hug. Then came a quiet, solemn apology.


Now what’s this have to do with bettering your life?


I was confident in my role as a mom. Did it hurt for a bit? Of course, as words can.

But I also knew what being a “good mom” meant to me. How I defined being good at momming was specific to my life, knowledge, and opinions on the matter. When I became a mom, I had a guide to follow.


Do you have a guide to follow in any areas of your life?


If you do choose your guiding values and define what they look like to you, when challenging situations are thrown your way (cue, children) you’re going to be set up for success.


Knowing what your life is about does not mean you have to find some crazy deep philosophy or charity you’re focused on.


It simply means you have some values to guide your way.

A few words that mean a lot to you.


This is not some self-care concept that means you put yourself first in every situation. It means you consider the person you want to be when making choices.


In behavior life coaching you learn the tools to keep these values in mind as you face decisions all day.


Keep up the good work, momma. You got this.


xo





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